woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
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