Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
Randomize
