Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
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