Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
Can I color on your dick again?
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
Randomize
