I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Randomize
