I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
Randomize
