I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
Randomize
