Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
Randomize
