is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
Randomize
