Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Randomize
