I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
Randomize
