I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
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