"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
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