Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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