So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
I have so many feelings about this burrito
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
