You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
Randomize
