Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
be right there i have to get my cape
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
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