mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
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