shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
My orgasm happened in two different decades
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