So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
I have fence marks all over my body
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
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