so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
Randomize
