I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
You left your phone here
Wait...
Randomize
