Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
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