Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
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