I'm going to rape someone's good day.
I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
Randomize
