I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
Randomize
