I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
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