Please dont use Danity Kane lyrics to describe your emotions.
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
Randomize
