This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
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