stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
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