Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
Randomize
