guys are not supposed to queef...right?
My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
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