She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
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