Black lace...the rest is up to ur imagination
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
Randomize
