Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
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