I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
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