soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
Randomize
