your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
Randomize
