You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
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