That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
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