She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
you never un-have a 4some
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
