If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
Randomize
