At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
Randomize
