If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
Randomize
