You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
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