i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
Randomize
