I must be too annoying 4 u.
the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
Sorry about my life...
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
Randomize
