Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
Randomize
