You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
Randomize
