You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
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